No means no

I haven't posted on this blog for quite a while.  I recently had a surgical procedure performed, and was in the hospital for four days.  During those four days, however, I discovered what I wanted to write about next.

Before going in for the operation, I had to fill out a series of tedious forms and verbally answer an even more tedious series of questions.  One of the questions posed to me was "Would you like to be visited by a hospital chaplain"?  My answer to this question was a resounding NO.  My decision to decline said visit was two-fold.

First, in that I was having surgery on my stomach, I knew that I was not going to be able to take communion.  In that I was going to be having this done at a Catholic hospital, I was pretty sure they were going to be shoving communion wafers in my face, and that just wasn't going to be feasible.

Second, I knew I was going to be in a severe amount of pain and was not going to be interested in talking to anyone, much less a stranger. And as a member of an ISM church, particularly one that was Gnostic/Esoteric tendencies, I was not going to want to have any sort of conversation that would end up being either antagonistic or indeed involved in any way, since I was going to be doped up.

And after having said NO, I would not like to have a chaplain visit me, I was then visited by 2-3 chaplains a day, every single day I was in the hospital anyway.

This is a photo of a man sleeping peacefully.  During my hospital stay I at no point looked like this.

 

 

Each and every day some sort of Eucharistic Minister, or some dude with a bible (usually without knocking) would just let himself into my room and come up and annoy me while I was sleeping, or watching reruns of Law & Order: SVU. 

 

If you've ever woken up to see a stranger standing two feet from you holding a communion wafer less than a foot from your face, let me tell you, it can be quite rage inducing.  And I'm religious.  Imagine how someone would feel who isn't a church goer getting woken up with a stranger standing in their room waving a Jeez-It in their face. 

 

While my memory of those days isn't very good, as I mentioned previously I was rather doped up, I'm pretty sure I didn't throw anything or scream obscenities at the chaplains.  Perhaps I should have, maybe that would've encouraged the rest to leave me the hell alone.

 

While a certain level of evangelism is somewhat expected in the Christian community, its obnoxious.  Anyone who has looked outside of a peephole and seen Mormons or JWs standing outside their door know this.  If someone doesn't want to talk to you about religion, leave them alone.  There is nothing wrong with wearing your faith on your sleeves so that if someone is interested they can seek you out, but if someone says "Hey, that's nice, but seriously I'm not interested" that means don't bother them anymore.

 

Treat people how you'd like to be treated.  That's a rather important Christian concept. 

I'm not one to quote scripture, but sometimes it needs quoting: Matthew 7:12 “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets."

 

No means no.

Speakifying

Occasionally you will see a list of the top fears of people.  I personally hate spiders.  However often you will find the top two fears being Public Speaking, and Death.  And usually in that order.  Jerry Seinfeld once joked that if you're at a funeral you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.

Most high schools, and many universities, have Speech or Public Speaking as a required course.  I dreaded these classes as I'm a generally introverted fellow.  In high school we had to give 3 or 4 long speeches, and that class did nothing to improve my skills.  In college, however, the professor didn't have us do that, rather we gave a quick minute long speech on some topic each and every class.  By the end of the first week we were so comfortable with one another and the idea of having eyes and ears on us that speaking in front of a group became very natural.  I am thankful to this day for that class as it helps me not only in church activities, but in my day job as well.

I work as a Sheriff's Deputy in corrections and if you've never had to walk into a room of 50+ criminals by yourself you learn very quickly that if you can't speak confidently you're going to get steamrolled.

I am very fortunate in that my department has a Peer Support program of officers that take additional training and volunteer their time helping co-workers and their families that are having personal problems, substance abuse issues, dealing with depression/anxiety and other sorts of things.  I was able to take a full week of training which included roll play scenarios (based on actual events) such as going to talk to a family of a staff member who was attacked and put in the hospital, speaking to grieving families, dealing with domestic violence, elder abuse, and all sorts of issues that people face often but seldom gets addressed.  This was some of the best training I've ever received and I wish this kind of program existed in more places.

This week I am going to be going to the Adams County Sheriff's Department in Wisconsin to take an additional training course that is offered by the American Police Chaplain's Association (of which I am a member). 

It will be very similar in nature to the one I have attended before, but will be primarily looking to accomplish these goals through a lens of ministry rather than a secular approach. 

It is VERY important, however, to remember that just because you're in a religious line does NOT mean that you need to tote the religious barge and lift the Jesus bale.  In some settings that is simply not appropriate and you may need to make a secular approach to assist people.  One of my instructors shared an anecdote about someone being in a bad car accident that included the death of one of the passengers and a concerned Christian walking up during the chaos and asking the person if they wanted to "have prayer".  Even though the person in question was religious, he rather staunchly declined at the moment.  Having someone try to get you to engage in an impromptu prayer circle during the carting away of a just deceased loved one is a good way to get cussed out.  Common sense is very important in this business.

I would encourage everyone to attend some sort of crisis intervention training like this.  You never know when you will find yourself in a position like this, and its better to have at least some baseline skills rather than to stumble through some sort of tragedy and end up not only looking foolish, but quite possibly doing more harm than good.

I recently was referred to a website called Coursera.com.  While looking through their offerings I found they have a class (that is starting in May 2015) called "Psychological First Aid".  Designed for non-psychologists to develop the skills needed to assist in these sorts of things.  It is being taught in conjunction with Johns Hopkins University and is free to take.  While I have not taken this class and cannot comment on the quality of the course, I would encourage people either to take it as its a free online course, or to search out for similar forms of training. 

You can quote the bible back and forth from memory, but if you can't figure out how to speak to people it doesn't really matter how much academic knowledge you possess.

https://www.coursera.org/course/psychfirstaid

Honey I'm home

Having recently been raised to the Diaconate and been given permission from my superior to perform a mass of the pre-consecrated I decided I had two choices.  I could either A) sit around and stagnate while thinking about how cool I am to have some very fancy vestments. Or B) Get up off my lazy ass and actually try and engage in some ministry.

The ISM has challenges when it comes to finding places to have service.  The first of which is the fact that we are small.  Small groups mean small pockets.  So buying a giant cathedral with a parking lot is of course right out.  So instead rental is usually the way to go.

There are different options when it comes to rental, each of which has its own headache. 

The first is to rent space from another church.  As many mainstream churches (although certainly not all) have the attitude that they are the true church, and everyone else is being mislead by the devil, often times they are not willing to host other congregations.  But occasionally the necessity of keeping their coffers full will encourage them to allow another group in.  The scheduling of your services will have to go around that of the host, however, and usually ends in some off time and off day celebrations.  Which is certainly fine, and in some cases may even be a point of advertising (God says you can sleep in on Sunday!  Mass is at 2pm).  However I have heard of host churches forbidding the renters from having a Eucharist, or other strange restrictions that make the rental infeasible.

Your next option is the yoga/new age market.  As long as you're not operating a church that is fire and brimstone (which fortunately most ISM churches seem to be free of), and you're inclusive of various viewpoints and lifestyles and just generally not jerks to everyone, you can probably find a home with this type of place.  Often these shops have small areas devoted to classrooms or ritual performance.  In my area there are several of these kinds of stores and all of them have wiccan ceremonies at various times.  As quite a few ISM churches either are accepting of, or directly embrace esotericism, it should be feasible to get along with your neighbors and ask to use the space, making a rental agreement or love offering, or what have you.  The good thing about this kind of place is that they are usually ok with open flame, so altar candles and incense is generally acceptable (just check with the first for the love of God).  Your biggest key to success with this kind of place is going to be what I mentioned early.  Don't be a jerk.  In face you'll find success in pretty much all avenues of life if you live by that rule. 

Next you have your lodges.  Masonic lodges, Moose/Elks, American Legion halls, and all those kinds of places.  They are usually big, almost always looking for renters, generally have good parking situations, and the VFWs/Legions/Moose etc. usually have either a bar or restaurant built into the building.  So you have an instant fellowship after service sandwich option.  The biggest drawback of them is that they are usually quite expensive.

And finally you have your park districts.  Or parks and recreation buildings, depending on the vocabulary of your particular area.  In the town I live in there is a very nice civic center that has a variety of classrooms for rent.  Residents get a discounted rate, as well as non-profits.  If you count as both, you get an even bigger discount.  My particular local building happens to be home to a couple of different church groups that meet there, one of which is closing up shop very soon.  Often these places are conveniently located, affordable, and have good parking.  The biggest drawback is that these places are usually not too fond of candles, which is why I bought a bunch of really nice led candles (that is a blog for another time).

So since there was a vacancy, and the prices were affordable, I went ahead and bit the bullet (or perhaps jumped the gun) and signed my life away.

I am happy to announce that the above is the new home to our ministry in the suburbs of Chicago.  Starting next month the Open Rite of the OACD will be expanding.  I'll post information in the future. :)

I'm all official and stuff

Happy Easter everyone.

On Easter Sunday we celebrate the resurrection of Christ.  Esoterically Easter can be seen as the day in which we celebrate the idea of the divine spark within all mankind overcoming "death" or descent of spirit into a physical body and the new life we lead when we realize the presence of this divine spark and allow it to take its rightful place as our true higher self and live our lives in pursuit of manifesting divinity wherever we go. 

In many forms of Sacramental Christianity Easter is also the day that many new members are baptized and welcomed into the church.  In my church, the Community of Saint James, which is a part of the Open Rite of the Oriental Apostolic Church of Damcar,  Bishop Lainie Petersen opted to make this my ordination day.  I very much enjoy the symbolism of being ordained on Easter Sunday.

I would like to thank Bishop Laine, Tau Mikael Basilides, Bishop Ken Canterbury, and the collective clergy of the OACD for accepting me into their community.  Hopefully I won't screw it up too bad.  I would also like to thank everyone who attended and/or who offered congratulations.  And also thanks to the Life Force Arts Center for hosting us. 

I really appreciate everyone's support.

 

www.CommunityOfStJames.org

www.Church-of-Damcar.org

http://www.lifeforcearts.org/

You $&%#ing Amateur!

I am a giant dork.  The fact that I'm about to quote from Game of Thrones reflects this.

I love Tyrion.  Everyone loves Tyrion, except in the books and show where everyone pretty much despises him.  The above quote that was made into a handy image (I don't know who made it so I can't cite it, but thanks to whomever did) was Tyrion a dwarf speaking to Jon Snow about how to make peace with his status as a child born out of wedlock (or whatever the term would be for someone born out of an act of infidelity).

This is some fantastic advice, and something I wish I had been told much earlier in life.  I think it would have helped me as an awkward youngster (and awkward adult for that matter).

I was describing my church life to a co-worker one day.  I'm part of a very small Church that is just getting started in Chicago.  We rent space and only have services once a month for the time being.  I have never attended seminary and in matters of religion I am mostly self-educated.  Most of my ministry, however, takes place outside of even our small church, as I am a law-enforcement chaplain and frequently I speak to people regarding religion in hallways, parking lots and break rooms.  Most people who see what I do are fairly indifferent.  Occasionally, however, I will get someone who attends a very large evangelical or Roman Catholic church who scoffs at my meager ministry and will attempt to throw an insult or two my way.  It was recently declared, in a rather dismissive tone, that I'm an amateur.  I have edited the actual statement and removed the colorful adjective that was with it.

And to this classification, I whole-heartedly agree.

I'm not entirely sure why the word amateur tends to carry a negative connotation.  Literally it means "Lover of" and implies that the person engaging in the pursuit is doing it for love of that particular endeavor rather than as a paid professional.  An ALPO amateur astronomer can help you find the stars just as easily as a professor working in a planetarium. 

I would argue that the vast majority of ministers are doing what they do because of their love of it.  A love of God and a love of your neighbor are great motivators for someone to enter the ministry.  I certainly do not believe that anyone would disagree with the idea that if you're performing ministry for the paycheck you're in the wrong business.

The Independent Sacramental Movement is small.  And although there are a wide variety of denominations that fall under that umbrella, with very few exceptions, most of the congregations are tiny compared to your average Catholic, Baptist, etc. communities.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Microchurches are becoming much more popular, particularly with people whose beliefs are outside of mainstream Christianity.  Finding an ISM church that rents space or meets in a private home is quite normal.

I would encourage, however, that you wear what you are on your sleeves.  I have seen many a website for ISM churches that show interior photographs of huge, beautiful cathedrals.  And while it makes for a very nice website that looks quite "churchy" if you happen to attract a potential congregant who believes they are going to attend mass at a giant stone temple but upon arrival it is being held in your apartment, the congregant may feel mislead or "lied to". 

Be up front about who you are and what you are.  If you simply meet at a coffee shop or library to talk and discuss religion then say so.  If you're a study group, advertise that you're a study group.  If you meet at someone's home then be clear about it.  As written in Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."

The product is far more important than the wrapper it is in. 

Ministry can be hazardous

I order a lot of stuff online.  Too much really.  I'd say about half the time when I get a package in the mail I've forgotten what it was that I had ordered, so it becomes a surprise.  I once got drunk and ordered a violin.  I do not presently know, nor ever have known, how to play the violin. 

When I got home from my job the other day I found a small sticker on my door telling me I had missed the delivery of a package that required a signature.  I couldn't remember ordering anything expensive, so I couldn't imagine why I'd have to sign for a box as they normally leave them on my doorstep.

Well I drove to go get it and was informed that I would need to sign because the shipment had been flagged as "Containing Hazardous Materials".  I signed for the box and walked it to my car concerned.  Hopefully I didn't do something ridiculous like try to order uranium through the mail.  I'd rather not have to explain to the Department of Homeland Security that I had been possessed by the demons of Guinness.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the box and found what had caused all the commotion.

God has a sense of humor.

The Frugal Deacon - Episode 2: Baptize this!

Baptism is a very important sacrament (or ordinance) within Christianity.  Most Christians agree, although some groups (Quakers for example) don't feel it is necessary.  Like all most forms of ritual throughout the church, and other aspects of life for that matter, it can be looked at as a symbolic action.  This is disputed from church to church, of course, like most aspects of doctrine.  The typical Roman Catholic view is that baptism is the ritual that brings about your conversion, while other churches would view your conversion as the internal change that causes you to seek out the sacrament of baptism.  Regardless as to which viewpoint you and your church have, baptism has the potential to be tricky for small churches. 

There are several stances on how a baptism should be performed.  Submersion- the dunking of a person underwater, Partial Immersion- having the person stand in a pool of water and pouring water over them, Affusion- the pouring of water over the head, and Aspersion- sprinkling water.  Wherein this gets tricky is the first two forms.  Large churches often have tubs built into the floor, or even special rooms just for baptisms.  The latter of which I was able to see at a Mormon stake, where in a whole pool is available with large viewing windows.  Large churches are very uncommon in the Independent Sacramental Movement, and accordingly if you want to baptize by Submersion or Partial Immersion it may well involve a trip to the beach during a warm weather month.

While sprinkling holy water (with an aspergillum or your fingers)  is probably the quickest and easiest method, I happen to like Affusion.  Placing a bowl of holy water upon either the altar or credence, or a special stand for the event, and using an instrument to pour water over the head.

But what sort of instrument should you use?  I suppose you could use an empty Pepsi bottle, but I somehow doubt that would instill the greatest of confidence in your congregation.  Quite often what is used is a decorative seashell.  Church supply catalogs sell very nice looking metal shells used for baptism.  However, like I have complained before, church supplies are expensive. 

A quick Google search found me several of these metal shells going for well over $300.  And if I was the rector of a giant metropolitan cathedral performing 3+ masses per day and having a couple hundred congregants showing up each Sunday with envelopes full of money, I could easily afford a $300 seashell.  Like a great many members of the ISM I'm pathetically broke.  Fortunately, there are alternatives.  I have found a few different places that sell plastic or porcelain baptismal shells for only a few dollars apiece.  Making this a very affordable option, and even a nice souvenir to give to the newly baptized individual (or their parents in the case of a new baby) to keep as a memento of their church membership. 

While out shopping at the craft store this morning, however, I came across an even better option.

 

 

For four bucks, I grabbed this package of 6 seashells.  They're actual shells, not plastic or resin.  I think they'll give a nice rustic feel while performing the baptism. They're very inexpensive and easy to replace, so giving them away won't break anyone's budget.  In fact for a few cents more, craft stores have small wooden plaques.  The wood can be inscribed with a name and or date.  A little bit of glue and POW! 

 

 

 

An inexpensive wall decoration that for some people may be cherished as a memento from which they've joined the Christian community.  Small gestures often have big impact.