You $&%#ing Amateur!

I am a giant dork.  The fact that I'm about to quote from Game of Thrones reflects this.

I love Tyrion.  Everyone loves Tyrion, except in the books and show where everyone pretty much despises him.  The above quote that was made into a handy image (I don't know who made it so I can't cite it, but thanks to whomever did) was Tyrion a dwarf speaking to Jon Snow about how to make peace with his status as a child born out of wedlock (or whatever the term would be for someone born out of an act of infidelity).

This is some fantastic advice, and something I wish I had been told much earlier in life.  I think it would have helped me as an awkward youngster (and awkward adult for that matter).

I was describing my church life to a co-worker one day.  I'm part of a very small Church that is just getting started in Chicago.  We rent space and only have services once a month for the time being.  I have never attended seminary and in matters of religion I am mostly self-educated.  Most of my ministry, however, takes place outside of even our small church, as I am a law-enforcement chaplain and frequently I speak to people regarding religion in hallways, parking lots and break rooms.  Most people who see what I do are fairly indifferent.  Occasionally, however, I will get someone who attends a very large evangelical or Roman Catholic church who scoffs at my meager ministry and will attempt to throw an insult or two my way.  It was recently declared, in a rather dismissive tone, that I'm an amateur.  I have edited the actual statement and removed the colorful adjective that was with it.

And to this classification, I whole-heartedly agree.

I'm not entirely sure why the word amateur tends to carry a negative connotation.  Literally it means "Lover of" and implies that the person engaging in the pursuit is doing it for love of that particular endeavor rather than as a paid professional.  An ALPO amateur astronomer can help you find the stars just as easily as a professor working in a planetarium. 

I would argue that the vast majority of ministers are doing what they do because of their love of it.  A love of God and a love of your neighbor are great motivators for someone to enter the ministry.  I certainly do not believe that anyone would disagree with the idea that if you're performing ministry for the paycheck you're in the wrong business.

The Independent Sacramental Movement is small.  And although there are a wide variety of denominations that fall under that umbrella, with very few exceptions, most of the congregations are tiny compared to your average Catholic, Baptist, etc. communities.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Microchurches are becoming much more popular, particularly with people whose beliefs are outside of mainstream Christianity.  Finding an ISM church that rents space or meets in a private home is quite normal.

I would encourage, however, that you wear what you are on your sleeves.  I have seen many a website for ISM churches that show interior photographs of huge, beautiful cathedrals.  And while it makes for a very nice website that looks quite "churchy" if you happen to attract a potential congregant who believes they are going to attend mass at a giant stone temple but upon arrival it is being held in your apartment, the congregant may feel mislead or "lied to". 

Be up front about who you are and what you are.  If you simply meet at a coffee shop or library to talk and discuss religion then say so.  If you're a study group, advertise that you're a study group.  If you meet at someone's home then be clear about it.  As written in Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."

The product is far more important than the wrapper it is in. 

Ministry can be hazardous

I order a lot of stuff online.  Too much really.  I'd say about half the time when I get a package in the mail I've forgotten what it was that I had ordered, so it becomes a surprise.  I once got drunk and ordered a violin.  I do not presently know, nor ever have known, how to play the violin. 

When I got home from my job the other day I found a small sticker on my door telling me I had missed the delivery of a package that required a signature.  I couldn't remember ordering anything expensive, so I couldn't imagine why I'd have to sign for a box as they normally leave them on my doorstep.

Well I drove to go get it and was informed that I would need to sign because the shipment had been flagged as "Containing Hazardous Materials".  I signed for the box and walked it to my car concerned.  Hopefully I didn't do something ridiculous like try to order uranium through the mail.  I'd rather not have to explain to the Department of Homeland Security that I had been possessed by the demons of Guinness.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the box and found what had caused all the commotion.

God has a sense of humor.

The Frugal Deacon - Episode 2: Baptize this!

Baptism is a very important sacrament (or ordinance) within Christianity.  Most Christians agree, although some groups (Quakers for example) don't feel it is necessary.  Like all most forms of ritual throughout the church, and other aspects of life for that matter, it can be looked at as a symbolic action.  This is disputed from church to church, of course, like most aspects of doctrine.  The typical Roman Catholic view is that baptism is the ritual that brings about your conversion, while other churches would view your conversion as the internal change that causes you to seek out the sacrament of baptism.  Regardless as to which viewpoint you and your church have, baptism has the potential to be tricky for small churches. 

There are several stances on how a baptism should be performed.  Submersion- the dunking of a person underwater, Partial Immersion- having the person stand in a pool of water and pouring water over them, Affusion- the pouring of water over the head, and Aspersion- sprinkling water.  Wherein this gets tricky is the first two forms.  Large churches often have tubs built into the floor, or even special rooms just for baptisms.  The latter of which I was able to see at a Mormon stake, where in a whole pool is available with large viewing windows.  Large churches are very uncommon in the Independent Sacramental Movement, and accordingly if you want to baptize by Submersion or Partial Immersion it may well involve a trip to the beach during a warm weather month.

While sprinkling holy water (with an aspergillum or your fingers)  is probably the quickest and easiest method, I happen to like Affusion.  Placing a bowl of holy water upon either the altar or credence, or a special stand for the event, and using an instrument to pour water over the head.

But what sort of instrument should you use?  I suppose you could use an empty Pepsi bottle, but I somehow doubt that would instill the greatest of confidence in your congregation.  Quite often what is used is a decorative seashell.  Church supply catalogs sell very nice looking metal shells used for baptism.  However, like I have complained before, church supplies are expensive. 

A quick Google search found me several of these metal shells going for well over $300.  And if I was the rector of a giant metropolitan cathedral performing 3+ masses per day and having a couple hundred congregants showing up each Sunday with envelopes full of money, I could easily afford a $300 seashell.  Like a great many members of the ISM I'm pathetically broke.  Fortunately, there are alternatives.  I have found a few different places that sell plastic or porcelain baptismal shells for only a few dollars apiece.  Making this a very affordable option, and even a nice souvenir to give to the newly baptized individual (or their parents in the case of a new baby) to keep as a memento of their church membership. 

While out shopping at the craft store this morning, however, I came across an even better option.

 

 

For four bucks, I grabbed this package of 6 seashells.  They're actual shells, not plastic or resin.  I think they'll give a nice rustic feel while performing the baptism. They're very inexpensive and easy to replace, so giving them away won't break anyone's budget.  In fact for a few cents more, craft stores have small wooden plaques.  The wood can be inscribed with a name and or date.  A little bit of glue and POW! 

 

 

 

An inexpensive wall decoration that for some people may be cherished as a memento from which they've joined the Christian community.  Small gestures often have big impact.

The Frugal Deacon - Episode 1: Paschal Candle

A Paschal Candle is procured every Easter and is lit during the service. Its flame symbolizing the eternal presence of Christ. It is common for congregants to light a small taper during the service from its flame to take with them. The candle is kept lit for services through Ascension Day, as well as used during the rest of the year during baptisms.

Like many church goods, however, Paschal Candles are often outrageously priced. The candlesticks can run into the hundreds. So since we are a small church I decided to make one myself.

I found a small kit online made by a company called Illuminated Ink.  Using a wick and few sheets of beeswax (as well as a decal) I smushed and rolled up this little number.  It also came with some additional stickers that I didn't think looked very good so I opted to leave them off. 

Traditionally 5 grains of incense are pressed into wax "nails" and are driven into the candle.  Unfortunately the kit did not contain those items rather it has some pins with rhinestones.  But I'd prefer to use the real thing.  Autom (a supply company I recommend) has the nails for a very reasonable price.  Perhaps I'll post another photo when I get them.

 It may not be the prettiest candle ever made, but I think it'll burn just as bright.

 

On March 16th, the Roman Catholics (don't let my collar fool you, I'm not part of that denomination) celebrate the feast day of St. Julian of Antioch. He was persecuted for his beliefs by the Roman Emperor Diocletian.

He was executed by being being sewn into a bag full of scorpions and poisonous snakes and thrown into the ocean (Things were hardcore back in the 300s).

So if you're sitting around thinking you're having a really bad day, just be glad you're not drowning while being stung and bitten.